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Jerry and Nick are two best buddies whose love lives have hit rock bottom, Jerry’s especially, having just vomited all over his fiancé on a hot air balloon trip prior to proposing to her. To escape their troubles and find women, they book a trip on board a cruise-liner, unaware the travel agent has just played a horrid trick on them in retaliation for Nick offending his secret gay lover. And that’s the trick; it’s a gay cruise-liner for gay men to meet and mingle. Slowly but surely, the two main characters begin to realize this and in turn get into a lot of humorous predicaments.

When Bond investigates mysterious activities in the world diamond market, he discovers that the evil Ernst Blofeld (Charles Gray) is stockpiling the precious gems to use in a deadly laser satellite capable of destroying massive targets on land, sea and air. Bond, with the help of beautiful smuggler Tiffany Case (Jill St. John), sets out to stop the madman, but first he must grapple with a host of enemies. He confronts offbeat assassins Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd, as well as Bambi and Thumper–two scantily-clad beauties who are more than a match for Bond in hand-to-hand combat! Finally, there’s the reclusive billionaire Willard Whyte (Jimmy Dean), who may just hold a vital clue to Blofeld’s whereabouts.

Rich bitch Joanna hires country carpenter Dean to build a closet on her yacht. When the two don’t see eye-to-eye, Dean is left unpaid while Joanna sets sail. The following day, Joanna is fished out of the sea, after falling overboard, suffering from amnesia. Dean sees a neat way to regain the money she owes him… he tells her she’s his wife; that way Dean gets a free housekeeper and mother for his four kids.

With his family held for ransom, the head security executive for a global bank is commanded to loot his own business for millions in order to ensure his wife and children’s safety. He then faces the demanding task of thwarting the kidnapper’s grand scheme, which makes him look guilty of embezzlement.

Orin Boyd (Seagal) is a Detroit cop who doesn’t follow rules. After he saved the Vice President by violating every order he received he is transferred to one of the worst precincts in the city. There he quickly encounters some corrupt cops selling heroin to drug dealers. The problem is, it’s very difficult to tell who is the bad guy and who you can trust.